I have a young, 20-something, friend named Lucie. When we have serious conversations, I call her Lucille. Lately she’s had a struggle defining who she is and questioning if that person has singular value, without a mate. She’d like to be part of a couple. She’s been involved with young men; although, no relationships of any duration. If I could be brutally honest this is what I’d say to her.
Here’s the deal Lucille- nobody is ever going to save you but yourself. There will be people who are capable of saving you, and they will, if it serves a symbiotic need. Otherwise, they’ll leave you to figure it out for yourself. You don’t need to be saved from anything. You’re just fine the way you are. Your biggest problem is hormones; they’re tricking you into thinking you have to be paired, it’s the way the species perpetuates itself.
Think about the things you’d like to do and the places you’d like to be, then work to do those things and see those places. You won’t know who you are if you don’t spend some time with yourself. Once you meet someone (you will, very few manage to avoid it) you’ll forfeit your independence in favor of helping someone else be happy. Before you do that, spend some time finding happiness in yourself, selfish happiness, happiness that doesn’t have to share or sacrifice for anyone but you.
Once you begin collecting people, partners, kids, strays, you’ll also collect obligations. You’ll feel responsible for those people and you won’t want to let them down. You’ll give up all that you dream of to help others attain their dreams. Maybe, you’ll resent it eventually.
Now Lucille, now is your time, revel in it while you have the opportunity. Skip and frolic, make merry! Live for yourself so you can relish the sun-bleached memories, of who you used to be, someday.