No, this is not an exaggeration. I LOVE Pandora Radio and my Bose headphones. It’s NCAA playoffs or whatever the correct terminology is. There’s a bunch of brackets, 64 I think, basketball from now to infinity. It grates on a person’s nerves to have to be quiet for a GAME, and not just one game either but multiple freakin’ games for days on end. A commercial comes on and the fingers on the remote are spastic to get to another channel for a different game. I feel confident there was no mention of a hoop fetish before we got married. I was paying attention; innocently, imagining my future. I didn’t even own a TV. I was tricked.
It is an obvious CONSPIRACY.
Earlier, I was quietly looking around, choosing which of the marital possessions would be coming with me to my new home. Don’t even kid yourself, all the good stuff is coming with me. My husband chose to buy fishing rods with his money. I bought housewares with mine. He can have the TV and the stereo (he did buy those but I’ll be getting myself a new Bose Wave system), the couch and coffee table (he bought those), he can have the bed (okay, he bought that too) and his dresser (a gift from me). Oh yeah, he can have the anodized cookware (he bought it) I’ll be taking the stainless steel; I bought that and (surprise, surprise) we like it better! He can have the flatware too. I chose the pattern but he paid for it, he’ll be crying in his cornflakes wishing he’d gotten his sorry ass into a Roundball Recovery Program instead of ignoring me for an entire MONTH.
Yeah, so I was mentally divvying the linens when I remembered… I have headphones! Voila! Marital harmony is restored. He’s down there all goo-goo-googly eyed over basketball and I’m up here listening to my most recent favorite Pandora station REM radio- REM, Coldplay, Modern English, Pearl Jam, Sting, Social Distortion, U2. By the end of the month I’ll need hearing aids.