Chips Fall

My adolescence and misspent youth was graced by a number of characters who will live fondly in my heart for as long as I breathe. Among them are the Bob Dylan Republican and the BDR’s younger sister. They both have exacting bullshit meters.

I spend a lot of time in reflection. I try not to present myself as anything other than what I am or was. Although, it seems there are times when I am not precisely accurate in my recollections.

I received the following in the mail from the BDR’s younger sister on our common life experience. “I have been thinking of you…It is so much more than youthful indiscretion (or even adult indiscretion). It is that sweet, brief, maybe even manic moment when it just happens and let the chips fall where they may. And, then, there is perhaps an evil (or maybe not evil) little smile and you just know.”

Looking back at retaliatory promiscuity I knew my behavior was wrong. At the time it did not present a moral dilemma. It presented an emotional, logistical challenge- how to get even without getting caught. I was a subversive. If you think you hurt me Ace, hang on tight and watch THIS.

There were also egomaniacal motivations; did I have the ability to seduce and captivate? Unfortunately, I did. I wasn’t intentionally cruel but there were instances when panicked messages were left, “Where did you go? I just want to see you. I went to your work and they said you’d gone.” There may not have been an evil little smile but there was most definitely a bored sigh.