Visitors: Intruders v. Guests

I live in an area that is beautiful in the summer, a region people like to visit. I am not a hostess. Typically, I do not enjoy prolonged social interaction. There are exceptions. The Exceptions know who they are.

I am not a visitor, not a guest, and never an intruder. I will never turn up unexpectedly on your doorstep. I will call first and, if I do, I will invite you to lunch. Dinner is too much of a commitment.

I am the eldest of 6, now 5. As such, there is an assumption that I welcome family visitors. I do not. Uninvited visitors are invaders, insinuating themselves in my private life and eroding cherished free time. I do not care how much DNA we share, it is not acceptable for you to arrive at my door uninvited unless, of course, there has been a death or a romantic heartbreak. If you are over 40, with a broken heart, take yourself to a hotel and call me, we can have lunch, my treat.

It is summer time. People choose to vacation and hope to visit during the busiest time of my work life. It doesn’t matter to them that I am otherwise engaged. I am expected to drop everything, to spend my precious time with them, accused of being insensitive when I say, “I am very busy.”

My sensitivity is intact.

Very busy is a LOT more palatable than the truth, “You are odious and overbearing. I’ve always thought so. Consequently, I will not be clearing my calendar for you.”

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About elroyjones

Married, no children, responsibly self-directed, living happily.
This entry was posted in Autonomy and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Visitors: Intruders v. Guests

  1. When I read the title, I first thought of; Friends, Romans, countrymen…
    Then I thought of Lions and tigers and bears…
    I fear that were we ever to meet, I might well be one of those overbearing people of which you speak. Hopefully not odious, but who knows. Having three brothers, you had to talk loud and make a spectacle of yourself to get noticed. We still all do it. A small family gathering sounds like a mob.

    • elroyjones says:

      This is the real deal, I am a solitary person, always have been. I am not particularly needy. Some of the happiest days of my life have been lived in anonymity, away from my birth family.
      I have one relative, who insists that I participate when I do not want to. No matter how polite my regrets are they are never accepted. In fact, I am an ignorant, rude, ill informed person for politely declining the overtures. I am not one of those people who can be shamed or forced to participate.
      People not related to me, who are not demanding that I reaffirm their importance in my life all the effing time, who are raucous are likely to be thought of as delightfully rambunctious rather than odious and obnoxious. I do not tolerate demands very well.
      Fear not.

      • I am not demanding. I just have a lot to say.

      • elroyjones says:

        You can say all you want. You don’t strike me as an assuming, imposing sort of person, unlike my pushy relatives.

      • Well, I can’t bring myself to argue too hard about this… fine, I am a saint… I am a delight… most unobtrusive guest ever.

      • elroyjones says:

        How did this get so outa hand, it was all about me then something went very wrong and it became all about you. I see a pattern here.

        Unobtrusive is a good word.

      • Wait, do you actually believe that just because you do a post, that somehow that makes the post all about you?… (Okay, I am just messing with you, but you have to admit that I do have an uncanny ability to make things seem like they are all about me)…
        Now, that is enough about me, let’s talk about how much you like me…

  2. Make sure your space stays yours.

    • elroyjones says:

      Thank you! Obviously, I have been troubled by this situation. Your comment about being lucky in liking your kids came to mind earlier. I am a dutiful relative, reliable in a crisis, but I don’t understand why on earth anyone would want to impose themselves upon me when I don’t have the time or the inclination. Your comment made me feel a LOT less crazy.

  3. gkinnard says:

    From one solitary person to another, I get where you’re coming from. I would fall over dead with cartoon “Xs” covering both of my eyes if a relative came over to my house unannounced. Not much danger of that happening as most of my relatives figure I’m anti-social.

    I like to know well in advance when folks are coming over and I want a very clear time range regarding when they’ll arrive and when they’ll leave. I have VERY little free time and I want to spend it MY way. (Kinda makes me sound like an old grouch, doesn’t it?)

    I do have to say that pouringmyartout is right: “You” write about you, but “we” read your words and it quickly becomes about “us.” Like it or not, you are just that kind of writer: you connect with folks!

    • elroyjones says:

      Oh yeah George, you really are MBFAM, no doubt about it!

      One of my good friends said to me, “You say what the rest of us are thinking.” If I’m saying what people are thinking but not saying all that I’m thinking, things could go downhill very fast. I had quite a bit to think while I was at the grocery store this morning, not all of it charitable but a lot of it pretty amusing.

      You do not sound any grouchier than I do. We don’t have enough leisure time, that’s all.

  4. sacha1nch1 says:

    it’s quite astonishing that your relatives don’t know this about you……………i can probably take that back can’t i

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