Irrational Love

Before you read this, try to remember that I love my husband more than air. There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for him, no matter how grudgingly.

I didn’t go to the Last Summer on Earth concert Sunday night. I cried. Someone who has shown us, repeatedly, that he is unreliable disappointed us, yet again, so we had to work.

My best friend from grade school knew just exactly what I meant when I sent her an email, “Please don’t bother responding; I don’t want to talk about it.” She waited for a day and sent me a text, “I’m walking the dog, do you want to talk?” She knew I couldn’t text. I called her immediately. She doesn’t judge. She knows I love my husband. She understands why I behaved irrationally.

It’s quite possible that you think I’m a lot nicer than I truly am. Banish the thought. I am not nice. I am a protester. I burn things. Well, I have just once. It’s a new avocation, like texting. I learned how to text last night. I burned things, in the grill (safety first!), on Monday morning.

My husband told me that work didn’t matter, that I should go to the show anyway. What he actually said was, “Fuck work.” I couldn’t do that because we were swamped and I had to get caught up.  He refused to stay with me because the accommodations were claustrophobic and there was nowhere to smoke outside. He was going to go home while I went to the concert.

I came home and went directly upstairs to the office, where I worked and cried. My husband fell asleep on the sofa. When I retired for the evening, I went into the bedroom and shut and locked the door behind me.

Monday morning had a less than auspicious beginning. I took every scrap of paper, card, and note that he had ever given me (except the very first one; insurance against regret) and put them on the grill where I doused them with charcoal fluid and set them on fire.

While I was torching (one quickly assumes the lingo of a seasoned pyromaniac) my keepsakes, I got a phone call from my sister and my niece. Coconut was on the leash walking with them when she was hit by a car and killed. I called my husband crying. Even as the cards burned, I loved him.

There is no sense in secretly protesting. I told my husband straight away that I burned everything. He said it was stupid and I’d regret it if he died first and I didn’t have anything to remember him by. I told him I thought my third husband will have replenished my supply of cards, while I grinned and hugged him. We’re going to die together, he knows that.

Last night he asked me to change the message on his cell phone. I thumbed through the manual and I found texting instructions. I sent him a text with a picture of me. Now, when I call him my picture pops up. I changed his contacts list so if something happens, when I’m not there, the cops will know who I am- Elroy Jones Wife.

I’m glad I kept the very first card he ever gave me.

Typically, I am not given to histrionics. Drama, in my life, is confined to verbal or written description. Along with being GOOD NATURED and KIND HEARTED, I am EVEN TEMPERED.


About elroyjones

Married, no children, responsibly self-directed, living happily.
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34 Responses to Irrational Love

  1. Everbody gets hurt and torches things (I THINK, though I’m beginning to find out how little I KNOW). Some people burn THINGS. Others burn themselves up, either slowly, or in what they perceive as a glorious blaze that everyone will marvel at. Still others enjoy burning bridges while they’re still standing on them.

    • elroyjones says:

      “Some people burn THINGS. Others burn themselves up, either slowly, or in what they perceive as a glorious blaze that everyone will marvel at. Still others enjoy burning bridges while they’re still standing on them.” Lyrical words, poetic and wise.

      I wondered if this post would be too much but I said to hell with it, this is LIFE. Your response was reaffirming, thank you.

  2. hanslr says:

    So sorry about the concert and about Coconut, RIP.

  3. More than air? Wow. That’s a lot.
    Frustration can make anyone a little crazy if it piles up high enough.

  4. Oh, and if you ever get mad at me, do not burn your computer. You will regret it.

  5. Peggy says:

    You KNOW how I am prone to giving unsolicited and unwanted advice so here goes. You will find another concert (or whatever) you just have to go to, you will make the arrangements as you did this time and watch out to anyone who gets in your way. This was just a life lesson, that’s all it was. We have them all the freaking time. This was the universe’s way of saying, “Life is short Elroy and Beth would want you to live regardless of what gets in your way.” There, that’s done. Moving right along.

  6. Coconut’s gone? That is the saddest news, but it did seem to bring you back to your beloved. That sweet dog’s death was not in vain.

    • elroyjones says:

      Everyone loved Coconut. My husband was forever plotting a way to get her back here on Hippy Hill, now he wants to get a Coconut of our own.
      I’m still simmering a little bit, Darla. This too, shall pass.

  7. gkinnard says:

    I had a feeling that something was amiss. . . .

    To say that “I feel for you” probably sounds trite, but I’ll say it anyway. I’m very sorry you didn’t get the break and downtime you deserved. Life—especially when it pertains to work—can be rotten and hard to deal with at times. Again, I’m sorry for your missed opportunity.

    I don’t remember where I heard it, but someone said that negotiating marriage is like walking through a mine field while juggling chainsaws: it ain’t easy, but it’s nice to know that you have someone there for you—body-bag in hand—in case you get blown up or lose a limb or two. Your husband is very lucky to have someone like you—and I’m betting he knows that.

    Coconut . . . wow. I really, really hate that news. Once again I’ll risk sounding trite and say that I’m sorry for your loss.

    Sigh . . .

    • elroyjones says:

      We had been plotting to get Coconut back here on Hippy Hill; now that we won’t be able to, my husband wants to get a Coconut for us.
      Self-employment sucks, particularly in this economy. Don’t even get me started on the work ethic of the younger generation.
      You are never trite, MBFAM!

      • gkinnard says:

        YES, a Coconut could be just the thing! I would go for it I if were you!

        Self-employment may suck, but it shows guts that MOST of us don’t have. Please VENT, but be DAMNED-PROUD of yourself at the same time!

  8. John says:

    So, I am feeling rather dense. Ok, I’m typically dense…

    I get that you were swamped, and that you felt that work should come first. I get the tired/stressed part. But, um…. I guess I’m confused… your husband wanted you to not work and go to the concert, right? I guess I’m trying to see through my denseness and understand why he was at fault, and why you burned everything?

    I hope you know me well enough to know that I’m not being critical, I’m just trying to understand the story, so I can appropriately sympathize with you. 🙂

    • elroyjones says:

      Of course, I don’t feel criticized, don’t you worry!
      He has promised me for over a year that we would have a whole weekend off to do something fun. He knew I bought that ticket in March and he knew how much I was looking forward to it. Mondays are hellish and no one would be in our office to field calls and emails. If my job does not get done, we lose income so his generosity regarding work was false. He volunteered to go with me once he discovered that I wouldn’t be home until Monday night. He didn’t like the accommodations, which were very nice but lacked an outside smoking area. If he were to stay we would have been at work at 7A on Monday. I am the only person who knows how to do my job because no one else will bother to learn it. It is a continuing issue of participation. I participate in activities that don’t interest me in the least while he steadfastly refuses to engage in activities that he is not interested in.

  9. sacha1nch1 says:

    reading many of your previous posts, i had the inkling….now i know it to be true; i’m in love 🙂

  10. As somebody once said, be good natured, kindhearted and even tempered, but carry a big oar.

  11. Pingback: Being VIP | elroyjones

  12. I have unreliable friends too. I recently bought 4 tickets to see RUN DMC and a bunch of other old school hip hop bands from my (and my friends) youth. I paid for the tickets, for everybody, which is something I do all the time. I even rented a car, so nobody else would have to drive. (I haven’t owned a car in many years, which has been great, mostly.) I spent a grand total of about 400 bucks for this thing, and in the end, it didn’t happen. Everybody had seemed really excited about it at first, but then, at the last minute one person backed out, then another, then another. I couldn’t find anyone to go with me at the last minute, though I did consider going by myself. I didn’t cry or burn anything, but I did sit at home and get insanely drunk. (In retrospect I really wish I would have just gone by myself.)

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