Television Salvation

My husband has wanted a TV in the bedroom for our entire marriage; well, almost, there was that euphoric newlywed term where he thought we’d whoopee forever. He’s almost fully recovered from that psychotic episode.

So we’ve been here on Hippy Hill for almost 6 years. When we first arrived he wanted a flat screen. I was initially opposed to the expenditure until I talked with my friend G. Scott.

G. Scott was the same age as my husband and he had a flat screen. I was visiting one day and asked him about his TV. He listed its many functions, demonstrated a few, and told me we should buy one because “life is too short”. G. Scott was dying from cancer, there was no better authority on the brevity of life. We bought the damn TV.

My own dear husband cannot sleep without television’s sedation. He falls asleep on the sofa; you can imagine how I frown on THAT. I like to sleep in the pitch-black, peace and quiet. I am not afraid of the dark or my own malicious thoughts.

I had a lot of bonus dollars available on my credit card. After carefully weighing the implications of such a purchase, I bought a television for my husband. It’s in the bedroom now, mounted on the wall, adding a subtle ambiance of sophisticated nursing home to the decor.

Thank Gawd the TV was free, with those bonus dollars, because letmetellyasistahs andbruthas the installation was NOT. The technician arrived all chipper and cheery. Somehow, I discovered that the cheery, chipper, technician can’t wait for the end to come because he’s taking the expressway to heaven; presumably during the rapture before the revelations, if that’s how it goes, I’m a little hazy on the particulars.

People are continually trying to“save” me. This guy did too. He was very honest. He’s an odds man. He told me, if he doesn’t believe he gets nuthin’ but since he believes he’ll lose nuthin’ if there is no christian god. Covering all the bases, why not?

He’s been married four times, been sober 20 years, and it’s been 4 years since he smoked a cigarette.

He didn’t save me. I’m beyond salvage and I like it that way.

About elroyjones

Married, no children, responsibly self-directed, living happily.
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28 Responses to Television Salvation

  1. I love TV, but I am with you on that sleeping in the dark thing. My wife has to have the tv on to fall asleep. I must have thin eyelids. I can see the light flickering right through them. And I couldn’t hear if a burglar blew our door off with dy-no-mite… (That was a vintage tv show joke, by the way)… I just discovered the joys of a sleep mask. Carry the darkness with you.

    • elroyjones says:

      I get your jokes, I remember vintage TV, just barely. If my husband doesn’t like the pitch-black I tell him I MUST have it that way so I can practice being dead, makes me laugh just to think of it!

  2. “Adding a subtle ambiance of sophisticated nursing home to the decor”… you’ve outdone yourself. The Blue Room, complete with bedside tray and flowers?

    Religion and the two-party system are the most efficient means of keeping the population of commoners fighting amongst themselves. Keep their eye off the ball. “Nothin’ up my sleeve.”

    Rant over. Carry on.

  3. Doug says:

    married four times…I be looking for salvation too… yep, we share a bedroom with a fat ass flat screen. But it’s not on a lot.

  4. John says:

    Well, hopefully the invasion of the TV into the boudoir will not cause you to lose sleep. I am not a TV in the bedroom kind of guy, as, I have NO willpower, and will watch whatever happens to be on the screen. I tried the bedroom TV thing, and after the 3rd night of no sleep, it was moved right out. I watched every light night thing there was — bad movies, old tv shows, informercials. I didn’t care. It was horrific!

  5. gkinnard says:

    We have two people in our tiny, tiny house and four TVs; at least three of them are turned on at all times. If you stand in just the right spot, some times of the day it looks and sounds like NASA’s Mission Control center.

    • elroyjones says:

      In a completely illogical way, you’ve made me feel better. I know we’ll only have 2 TVs here on Hippy Hill because the living area is “open” and this house couldn’t hold another one.

      • gkinnard says:

        MSNBC on one, a Mr. Rogers video on another, and reruns of My Three Sons on the third: the only TV that makes sense is the fourth one that’s turned off.

  6. Damyanti says:

    The TV is prohibited in my bedroom. As long as my husband stays married to me, he’s not getting one of his dearest wishes.

    • elroyjones says:

      Hello, Damyanti.
      Like you, I once had standards. I do not like the television in the bedroom. We are older now. My husband works very hard and he’s tired. We don’t have the energy we once had. I am chronically aware of our slow but insistent decline. I allowed television in the bedroom because he’s more comfortable in bed than falling asleep on the new sofa, where napping is allowed but sleeping is frowned upon. I applaud your principles, Damyanti; I hope you remain strong and uphold them. After a long respectable effort, I have failed.
      Thank you very much for commenting, most pleased you stopped in!

      • Damyanti says:

        I hear you. My husband recently pulled his back, something the chiropractor tracked down to our living room sofa. I’m donating it, and buying something on which his back would be safe. He has created a workaround to my no-tv-in-bedroom rule– the iPad, on which he watches videos, with earphones on. Yep, realistically, marriage is slowly dwindling together 🙂 — we’re feeling it too.

        Thanks for all those comments on my posts, I was (very pleasantly) surprised.

    • elroyjones says:

      A word of advice on the couch, choose three seat cushions rather than two, more support and the cushions can be rotated so they don’t wear out as quickly.

  7. Ray Colon says:

    I suppose that some see trying to save people as a virtue (good works and all of that) so I refrain from going ballistic when approached, but I’m quick to stop them to avoid the temptation of cursing them out in tongues. Not really, I’m a gentler soul than that, but it is annoying.

    Like your husband, I prefer to have the TV on as I fall asleep. Over time, my entire family has adopted this odd behavior. If we were a Nielsen family, the ratings for the overnight infomercials that run as we sleep would be sky high.

    • elroyjones says:

      I wouldn’t have authorized the indulgence if not for the sleep timer!

      I’m polite to people who’d like to convert me but I tell them I don’t believe and I’m not likely to start.

  8. sacha1nch1 says:

    no one’s ever tried to convert me; i feel i’ve missed out somehow….i considered pascal’s wager once…..but then i thought

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