Valentine Nerd

Having been a nerd (a wild, fearless nerd but a nerd nonetheless) for my entire life, my expectations for Valentine’s Day have never been ambitious. Oddly, I have had my fair share of roses. I’m sure there are catty people lurking about who would suggest, maliciously, that I may have gotten a few dozen more than my fair share.

After we’d been married for a couple of years, I told my husband that he shouldn’t send any more flowers. The expense for something that will only wilt and die is not as thrilling once the knot has been tied. We’ve been married for quite a while. Our anniversary was last week; Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. I am not lying when I say there is nothing I want.

Yesterday, I lied by inference. I had to. A man, we have a business relationship with, asked me about our anniversary last week. I told him that I had acquired enough jewelry throughout our marriage (truth) that I wouldn’t want any more (truth). I told him I was most pleased by our new down comforter and a beautiful, signature trash can in the kitchen. That was the inference lie.

You know, that I bought a down comforter a couple of weeks ago but he did not. The kitchen trash receptacle came to me via a gift certificate from my oldest and dearest friend. You know, too, that I am very frugal and I consider potential purchases for years sometimes before I cave. Such was the case, or could have been the case, with the trash can. I saw it online in December and visited it daily, okay maybe a few times a day, without actually buying. When the gift certificate arrived I applied it to the trash can purchase on Amazon. You know how I love a happy ending!

My husband sees me as someone who is deserving of roses and jewels, which is very sweet and among the many reasons we’re still married and I haven’t killed him yet. I am a person who doesn’t have a use for more jewelry but I do have a use for a fashionable sturdy, trash, receptacle. I’m sure you understand why I lied by inference to protect my husband. I just don’t see the point in buying something that has no utilitarian purpose. I am, after all, a nerd.


The foot pedal-lid lifter mechanism is good for 120,000 openings, which equals over 16 daily openings for the next 20 years. You cannot imagine the joy in my heart. If I live to be 80, and I limit myself to a mere 10 to 11 daily openings, the can will still last as long as I do. One of my catty friends told me if I died, and willed it to her, she’d like to know how many lifts were left.


About elroyjones

Married, no children, responsibly self-directed, living happily.
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22 Responses to Valentine Nerd

  1. I think you deserve a trash can that can be opened at least 130,000 times, and every time it should be filled with roses and jewels by some kind of magic spell.

  2. Nerd, snerd… I think it’s pretty cool… your attitude and the can…

  3. All it needs is an oogah horn that sounds every time you open it. You can drop the waste daintily into your signature trash can, adjust your turban, and grin.

  4. THese sound like great gifts to me! COngrats!

  5. Doug says:

    First, a belated happy anniversary. And nothing would say frugal like stepping out to drop a half grand or so on a dedicated smart phone or tablet with an app to track the exact number of times that foot pedal-lid lifter mechanism has been utilized for said signature trash. And consider the extra value added, quick conversation ending options in sharing the forever on going pedal-lid lifter tally. Just trying to be helpful.

    And Happy Valentine’s Day, elroy.

  6. George says:

    Love the story—and what c-o-o-l looking trash can! Happy Valentine’s Day, elroy!

  7. Peggy says:

    Happy High Holiday O&D! The trash can is just SO you. It is lovely and polished even though it has to deal with a lot of trash. It’s the small things in life . . .

  8. John says:

    I think a trash can is a stupendous gift. It’s funny, that as we get older, and more settled, the frivolous things don’t seem quite as exciting. I got a 3.5qt Dutch Oven for Christmas, and I was happy as a pig in mud, as the saying goes.

    Enjoy your garbage receptacle!

  9. Do you now find yourself looking around for more rubbish, keeping your foot on the pedal, and in finding some, will go to great lengths stretching across the room or sliding the bin across the floor so as not to waste a lift?
    Apologies for the UK terms; I just coudn’t bring myself to write _____ and ___.

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