Following Blindly

I’ve attracted a lot of pretend followers. Bloggers who aren’t there at all. Blogs that haven’t been filled in yet or blogs that are trying to sell me something. I try to visit the blog behind each new like or follow. It is so disappointing to get there to find nothing.

Along those same lines, we got a call tonight from someone wanting to sell us something. It drives my husband crazy that I talk to the telemarketeers and pollsters. I can’t help myself. So I’m listening to a rather long recorded message, thinking I’ll press numbers until I opt out or talk to someone but NO. I get another recording in the world’s worst sales pitch with the option to leave a message, so I do. “Hi, this is Elroy Jones from Happy Trails Residential Facility. I don’t know how you got our number but I’d really appreciate it if you’d take it off your calling list. I can’t leave the residents in the evening. Between collecting dinner trays and passing medications there isn’t time to answer the phone but I have to answer it in case there’s an emergency. I’m sure you understand how busy it is around here, and once I get poor Claudia settled in for the evening it’s very disruptive because she really does not like the phone and she yells, sometimes she screams. The other thing is sometimes the floors are slippery around here, you know incontinence, and if I’m running for the phone, and slip and fall, and break the other hip well, I don’t know what we’d do then…” I usually talk until I run out of recording.

As you can imagine, I am just about killing myself wanting to laugh because I think I’m so gut busting funny. I figure I’m just giving them a taste of their own medicine plus I like to imagine that whoever hears it first will tell someone else in the office on Monday morning- “Hey Joe, you gotta hear this!” My husband is not as easily amused as I am.

Which brings us to my final thought for the evening. I once worked in a hospital setting in the administrative offices. We had a terrific Director of Nursing. A caring, compassionate, wildly irreverent woman, whom I just loved. Healthcare attracts it’s share of lunatics and drug addicts (not me!) and they could be trying, especially when they called repeatedly. I like to talk, so I was elected to field the difficult phone calls. The Director of Nursing had a situation that required my talents. I took the call and listened and talked while she stood by. When the phone call concluded and I got the, obviously fried out of her gourd, nurse off the phone, the Director looked at me and said, “It should be alarming to me to observe the ease with which you lie.”

You can understand why I am disappointed when I travel to find a blog of nothing; all that opportunity wasted.


About elroyjones

Married, no children, responsibly self-directed, living happily.
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35 Responses to Following Blindly

  1. Austin says:

    My blog is real. 🙂

  2. hebe in dc says:

    Ha ha lying is a fine art. Love it.

  3. Rebekah L says:

    Haha..entertaining. I know what you mean about the fake followers. Perhaps they are just people who really like your blog, but don’t have a blog of their own, so they don’t really have a profile?

  4. John says:

    I have been getting a lot of fake followers too, and it really is pissing me off… I wrote to WP, but, since they’re not violating any rules, we’re stuck with the fakes… grrr….

    I’m good at customer service — in person. I can lie and charm a mad person into being my best friend… on the phone, I’m not so good, because people are meaner on the phone — they can’t see you, and they feel safe in being nasty — like the trolls in comment sections — not me, of course, I never troll, but, you know those kinds of people who live in conspiracy land…

    I am sorry that your hubby, nice guy that he is, is not as easily amused as you. I’m just the opposite… I’m amused by pretty much everything — I keep thinking I need to open a new blog, where no one knows who I am, so I can write about the things I’m amused at — people who know me might be appalled….

    I’m babbling…

    I’ll say goodbye for now 🙂

    Maybe you should start leaving long comments on the fake blogs, though, I’ve noticed that the people who comment, thinking it’s a real blog, get no replies to their comments…

    I am still babbling….

    Must be time for my medication.

    • elroyjones says:

      I have a blog for the DARK side, where I post about trivial things that really frost my tail, mostly events from my personal life that involve delusion and unabated stupidity occurring with astounding regularity because people, who share my DNA, could not find their butts with both hands and a road map.
      Yes, people would be appalled if they knew it was me out there dropping thermonuclear F-bombs. The editorial comments, in my head, as I live my daily life, would also horrify people. My own human weaknesses are funny and everyone else’s are too.

      You come right over and babble any time you wish. I like to hear from you.

  5. Reality is over-rated. 😉

  6. maesprose says:

    I have fake followers. I aslo have followers who write in different languages than mine. When I visit their site I always try and leave a “like”. It’s very funny because I have no idea what it is I’m acting positive about.

  7. Not to be mean, but I find that many people I talk to in real life are sort of like empty blogs inside… Like spam robots with skin…

  8. trendyhammer says:

    I am 100% real Elroy, as is my Blog.

    • elroyjones says:

      Apparently the imaginary likes and follows are a big problem throughout WP. I read a blog this afternoon that has disabled the Like button and another that says WP is working on it. Thanks for reblogging my post.

  9. MishaBurnett says:

    Many years ago, when those automated dialers were new, I got a call that invited me to leave my name and address after the tone. I decided to see how long it would let me talk, and so I started reading (I had a book handy) Oscar Wilde’s The Ballad Of Reading Gaol. It actually kept going as long as it registered the tones of a human voice, so I was able to read the entire poem.

    I do wonder what whoever had the job of transcribing the tapes thought of that. For what it’s worth, they never called me back.

  10. Robo calls drive me insane. As do the generic, link-bait comments on various posts. The ones that could have been written about any single post on any blog. I caught one of those on my blog today and just rolled my eyes as I trashed it.

    But the robo calls drive me nuts for more reasons than that. First, I’m always busy, between work and my own business. And one of my duties at my day job is on-call scheduling. If someone calls off after hours, the message gets routed to me, and I have to deal with it. And somehow, the robo calls manage to always come in when I’m in the middle of trying to find a home health aide to cover a last minute shift on a very, very difficult case, and I’ve already made my 17 millionth call, and the phone rings, and I HAVE to answer it, because it might be an aide calling back to say that can take it after all, but no, it’s some sales dude trying to pitch something I don’t need or want.


    And second, if you don’t have the courtesy to actually talk to me yourself? Well, then there’s a special level of hell reserved just for you, because it just emphasizes the disconnects we have in this world.

  11. Ahh…so many personas.

  12. epiwah says:

    I only blog if I do something newsworthy. Since I only run an ultramarathon a few times a year it’s not a weekly event. I just don’t have time to write every day between running long and auditing Medicare.

    • elroyjones says:

      I’m not disappointed by sporadic blog posts. I don’t post on a schedule either; the tangible world requires most of my attention.
      The fake blogs send me around the bend as do the advertising blogs.

  13. benzeknees says:

    I landed here as a referral from Pouring My Art Out, glad he pointed me in your direction. I was LMAO about your response to the robo calls! I only wish I could think that quickly on my feet!

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