I have been working steadily as you may have guessed from my silence. I worked today. I should be reworking some of the stories I have submitted that have been rejected, a chore that I would enjoy. However, I am so dismayed by the unmitigated egos in Congress that I have dedicated the remainder of the day to peaceful resistance. I intend to be the spark that ignites the revolution. I know, I know. We don’t really want a revolution because it may require leaving the couch and likely we’ll be dirty and hungry. It’s bad enough to be hungry, although we wouldn’t mind losing a pound or two, but dirty is just more than we can stand.
I started with this little accolade for Speaker Boehner-
“Congress is failing spectacularly, led by the House Republicans. It must weigh heavily on your conscience to know that you refuse to rally your party to protect the American people. My family, friends, neighbors and I thank you and your cronies for ruining our lives- no one could have done a better job of destroying the American dream.” I enjoyed tapping the submit button- submitting gave me a thrill. Oh my goodness!
I had so much fun sending the email to the Speaker that I thought sending a revised version to Eric Cantor might be pleasurable- oh it was. Virginia is for lovers.
I ran into a small obstacle when I tried to submit to Paul Ryan- I never did like that five o’clock shadow. I suspect he’ll be stoop shouldered in a ratty gray cardigan later on in life. Paul Ryan only accepts emails from constituents in his district, an odd position for a man who wanted to be Vice King. Don’t you worry, I found a way around that. I went to my friends at Trulia and found an overpriced home in his district and borrowed an address that I suppose could be attributed to a better neighborhood. It was more fun submitting to Paul when I had to work for it. He’ll appreciate it more when he gets it, I can tell.
Ted Cruz was next in line. Naughty Teddy. That hook nose is something that sends shivers up and down my spine when I imagine the fun I could have grabbing it. I can tell I’ll have to use both hands. Teddy wants a lot of information, requires a Texas address and a phone number. I combined an overpriced Trulia listing address with the business phone listing of a generous Republican campaign contributor. Teddy will be beside himself when he reads that I, posing as my wealthy Republican alter ego, will not be making any future donations. He won’t be too happy to read that the wealthy Republican me believes history will remember him as a patsy for the Koch brothers. Things are said to be large in Texas. Teddy’s nose certainly is, too bad his brain doesn’t match.
I suppose you could say that my actions are misrepresentative and devious. You could say the same of Congress.