Notice Love

You’ll be relieved to know that a stay of execution has been granted by HMNHQOTIR (Her Most Noble Highness, Queen of the Immediate Realm, that’s me!) so my husband will live a while longer. He mentioned this morning, like it was nothing at all, that I should get my hair cut “the way it was when you cut it yourself, do you have a picture?” I melted. I didn’t know he liked it, or that he even noticed it.

We are killing ourselves on a project that is larger than anything we’ve ever done. I can’t tell you about it yet because I don’t want to jinx it. I see you scratching your collective heads, wondering how a gawdless person like me can be superstitious. It doesn’t matter because I have a very long title, which means I get to make the rules as I go.

Back to my husband- I love him more than air and I just want to live a simple, happy life. Sometimes, I think the two are diametrically opposed. I spend a lot of time believing that I am nothing more than a business partner in this chaos that I did not create; furthermore, there is no one taking care of me and you know why? I don’t need anyone to take care of me, if I need something I can take care of it my own damn self! That’s what it’s like inside my head as we work 7 days a week.

One of the reasons we work so hard is to try to secure a future for my husband’s sons. I go along with it because I hope my husband will reach a point where he is satisfied that he has done all he could do. He is a good father. I know that because I have firsthand experience in what a bad father is. I know it too because the boys have become responsible young men all of a sudden. They do sweet things for their dad, things that say they love him and notice who he is and what he likes.

That’s what it’s all about, really, being noticed by the people we love. I have a picture of the haircut that I did myself last summer so when I make an appointment, I’ll take it with me. I’m going to try really hard to remember that he notices me even when I don’t feel like he does and that being noticed is being loved.

About elroyjones

Married, no children, responsibly self-directed, living happily.
This entry was posted in Human Condition, Marriage and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Notice Love

  1. Old Jules says:

    Smiling to myself here and hoping you manage to secure a future for someone. I’m not sure the Universe allows such thing except as an illusion for the people trying to do it. When the future arrives the people who had it secured for them have a way of making it appear something entirely different than what was labored to secure. But we’ve all got to be doing something and attempting to secure a future for someone else is probably as meaningful in the face of our own mortalities as anything else I can think of. Better than some I can think of. Good luck on that. J

    • elroyjones says:

      The futility of the endeavor hasn’t escaped me, Jack. I don’t have anything more important to do so I’m just taking up space and marking time until I croak. I imagine that people who have children feel a lifelong responsibility for them. Not having any children, I can only guess at the motivation behind the sacrifices I witness.

  2. Wait… this project doesn’t involve making a baby does it… because I want to babysit if it does…

  3. Securing futures. Heady stuff. 🙂

    • elroyjones says:

      Heady stuff and hard work, by the time we kick it they will have earned it. They’ve been working with us since high school vacations, lots of conflict, the whole father-son thing but finally they’ve become the men they’re going to be and I’m pleased they’ve turned out alright. They gave us a hard time- lying, partying, getting in minor scrapes- generally behaving a lot better than we did when we were young. I didn’t think we’d survive it.

  4. webnerbob says:

    (Kish here…) I enjoyed this, and hope all is well with you.

    • elroyjones says:

      Yay! Kish! We are crazy busy, emphasis on crazy! We’ve been working almost every weekend since 2 or 3 days before Christmas. One of the boys is getting married in September (so far I have ordered and returned 6 dresses) so there is a lot to do there and we are building a facility for our business, which I will post about in the future. I went to the dentist today and found myself thinking how lovely it was to be somewhere that no one could access me! Usually, I have time to read WB’s posts but I haven’t been there in a couple of weeks or longer. Happy summer to you, Kish.

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