You’ll be relieved to know that a stay of execution has been granted by HMNHQOTIR (Her Most Noble Highness, Queen of the Immediate Realm, that’s me!) so my husband will live a while longer. He mentioned this morning, like it was nothing at all, that I should get my hair cut “the way it was when you cut it yourself, do you have a picture?” I melted. I didn’t know he liked it, or that he even noticed it.
We are killing ourselves on a project that is larger than anything we’ve ever done. I can’t tell you about it yet because I don’t want to jinx it. I see you scratching your collective heads, wondering how a gawdless person like me can be superstitious. It doesn’t matter because I have a very long title, which means I get to make the rules as I go.
Back to my husband- I love him more than air and I just want to live a simple, happy life. Sometimes, I think the two are diametrically opposed. I spend a lot of time believing that I am nothing more than a business partner in this chaos that I did not create; furthermore, there is no one taking care of me and you know why? I don’t need anyone to take care of me, if I need something I can take care of it my own damn self! That’s what it’s like inside my head as we work 7 days a week.
One of the reasons we work so hard is to try to secure a future for my husband’s sons. I go along with it because I hope my husband will reach a point where he is satisfied that he has done all he could do. He is a good father. I know that because I have firsthand experience in what a bad father is. I know it too because the boys have become responsible young men all of a sudden. They do sweet things for their dad, things that say they love him and notice who he is and what he likes.
That’s what it’s all about, really, being noticed by the people we love. I have a picture of the haircut that I did myself last summer so when I make an appointment, I’ll take it with me. I’m going to try really hard to remember that he notices me even when I don’t feel like he does and that being noticed is being loved.