It’s October. Fall has arrived. Once vibrant summer gardens are subdued and refined in contrast to the tree foliage. A slower pace has been adopted in the hinterland, allowing conspiracy theories to travel Main Street and beyond. I have been apprised of a geoengineering conspiracy whereby we’re all being poisoned in a mass extermination attempt utilizing huge areospace element dumps, aluminum sulfide among them. Maybe it’s true, maybe not, can’t tell-don’t care.
Why is it that scary news is dormant through the summer, emerging in autumn to wreak havoc with my already loose grasp on reality?
I have achieved new levels of pure temper and unmitigated disdain. Two weeks ago I slammed my cell phone onto the pavement as I was walking down a curvy country road to town. Even though there are usually no witnesses to my creative displays of resistance, (what uninformed people may describe as outbursts) it is very important to get the negative energy OUT, to free the radicals, before I expire from internalizing discontent. Yesterday, I received an unwelcome bit of news via the same cell phone. Once again, I was walking along, enjoying a very brief respite from what can only be described as indentured servitude. The news was so distasteful that I flung the phone on the ground and jumped up and down on it whilst wearing my boots. It did not break. I think a smart phone would have been destroyed. If you are in need of an indestructible cell phone I can assure you that the LG flip phone has endured rigorous trials without any significant damage.
Last week, I refunded a customer 100% of the amount paid for work completed. I never lost my composure and channeled Miss Manners as I wrote-
“Please find enclosed a refund of the total amount paid via your check number 12345. This refund releases XYZ Corp from any obligation to you, your heirs, and assigns pertinent to property, described in Book 321 Page 54 of the Outback County Registry of Deeds, commonly known as 666 Asshole Lane.
Nothing expresses disdain quite the way a 100% refund does. This person had no complaint; the work was completed satisfactorily, the workers were a pleasure to have around but the cost was more than could be justified. The cost just about covered the work for something that was an IMMEDIATE need when the contract was signed. It was an inconsequential amount and worth every penny for the gratification I had in returning it.
I don’t know what to do about my husband. I love him more than air but sometimes I would like to hold the frying pan in a batter’s stance and pretend his head is the ball. It’s encouraging that I never imagine blood in the fantasy.
The construction project is going to be the death of us, too much to do. Quite frankly, it isn’t worth worrying about; although there are others who insist that it is.
This is the kitchen.