Please try not to be scared for the future. At this point there is not a lot you can do to impact the judicial system. It won’t hurt to ask your lawyer if your case could be transferred to a county where Drug Court is established. It’s a good program for people who take their recovery seriously. In the meantime, do the best you can each day.
I’ve made mistakes too, sometimes the mistakes I’ve made have been intentional, in which case they weren’t mistakes at all but selfish choices. Regret is a waste of time and energy. You are not a bad person. I feel confident that you will make the most of this experience, learn from it, and put those lessons to work through the rest of your life.
I understand that you’re probably overwhelmed, for now it might be a good idea to focus only on the things you can change today- you know, one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. From my perspective where you are is not so very different from boot camp. You have a uniform, a routine, and limited control over your life. This is not a permanent condition. You will be released at some point. You have access to a lot of things people in boot camp do not have access to, TV and books for instance.
I’m not mad, Kayla. I don’t have any particular emotion attached to your behavior. I suppose if anything I’m disappointed that you saw firsthand what drugs did to your father and the rest of your family and you didn’t grasp the enormity of the consequences. I can’t begin to describe to you how painful it was to watch Joe deteriorate before my eyes. There are no words to convey the terror I felt for him when I knew he would spend the rest of his life as a head on a pillow. I wrote a piece in the paper that I have enclosed for you. I have also enclosed something I wrote in the days immediately following Joe’s death.
32 days clean is very good. Work your program, ask yourself the hard questions and be honest in your answers. If you hadn’t been caught would you be using today? What changes and sacrifices are you willing to make to insure that you will maintain sobriety?
You can do this Kayla, you are the ONLY one who can do this, no one else can do it for you. Keep at it, make your light shine.
Each day is a fresh start on a happy ending.