I guess I’ve become that person. I am so ANGRY that Gregg Allman is dead. I’ve been immersed in his death and funeral for over a week today. We’re old. It’s unbelievable. Yesterday, during the funeral, I went to the drugstore. I watched the procession on my iPhone while I was there. I am not that person. Gregg Allman was presented to me by one of the least sophisticated girls in my class; she remains where she was the last time I saw her, 35-40 years ago. I love his voice. He was handsome and, to some women panties falling to the floor, fuckable. I’m not that woman. I loved his voice, a jealousy inspiring voice. I wanted his vocal cords. His long hair was a problem. I’m a nerd, I can’t manage the competition of cool. He was a blues man. Allman Brothers Band music was the soundtrack for my life. I am so sad, the same kind of sad I was when my brothers died. Really, what the fuck?!
My husband and I have found ourselves in a weird realm of success. We have a little something. We’ve worked our asses off for what we have. We’re discussing how we will divest what we have, who will benefit from our hard work. As often as I plot the divorce, leaving all but a few items behind, the man impresses me. Jesus, he is so much better than I could ever hope to be. Let’s donate here and there, let’s give this and that, let’s make it easier and less worrisome for as many people as we can.
I cried today. I apologized, I know tears cause anxiety. We work all the motherfucking time. In case you’re unaware, that stupid, greedy, pig (my apologies to the porcine) Trump has discouraged people from migrating here to work. We live in one of the states with an aging demographic, no labor pool to draw from. I’m so tired. I just want to be free. Sometimes, perhaps more often than occasionally, I imagine the way out. I think it begins and ends with heroin. I don’t even smoke cigarettes now so it should be effective. Can you imagine the research and the efficacy of a plan I might devise? I’ve covered the particulars. The hindrance is Mr. Jones; it would be so unfair to him. He wouldn’t know and it would scare him in the same way it would scare me if our positions were reversed.
I hate Donald Trump. I hate what has happened to American democracy. Jimmy Carter had this to say about Gregg Allman-
“Gregg Allman and the Allman Brothers just about put me in the White House,” Carter said. “They were the best fundraisers that we had. In those days, they would charge somebody $15 to come hear them play. And we were getting the whole $15 plus 15 more matching dollars! So we got $30 every time someone came to hear the Allman Brothers Band play. And Cher came along with Gregg … They were married for a brief time as you may remember.”
I hate Citizens United. I miss and love a world that was sincere and generous. My heart is broken.