Premarital Advice

The moral to the story is if you’re not willing to sacrifice you’re not ready to get married. The moral is exponentially true if you’re planning on marrying someone with children from a prior alliance. The young people in my life have begun to pair up, formalizing their affections with binding legal documents. That’s right, binding and legal. There is absolutely nothing romantic about legally binding. One needs to think long and hard about such a commitment. From my example, words speak louder than actions. I didn’t think about much but maybe you’ll want to do things a little differently. Life is unpredictable. Fortunes rise and fall, health waxes and wanes, affection does too.

Recently, I was given to understand that a young woman, I am acquainted with, would not live my life. Presumably, if one is about to marry someone, one loves them so much that one will want to do what is best for them, and subsequently one, in the long run. I initiated a move to the Hinterland to promote my husband’s relationship with his sons. It has been very hard but it’s been worth it. My husband did not miss watching his sons grow up and he doesn’t resent me for keeping him from them.

One thing led to another and by the time we were supposed to leave, when the youngest graduated from high school, he was entrenched. I stay because I need to know he’s okay and because I love him more than air even if he is exceedingly exasperating.  I made a choice. I sacrificed some of the dreams I had to meet the needs of someone else.  If you don’t want to do that, don’t get married and you won’t have to live my life.


About elroyjones

Equal Elroy, searching for the best answer.
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13 Responses to Premarital Advice

  1. Marriage is like war… you can explain it to people, but until they have been there, they will not understand.

  2. maesprose says:

    I always think it is odd to judge other lives. The crossroad where you decided to go to Hinterland is long gone and if you had taken the other path who knows what or where you would be now. Let’s NOT pretend the other road led to stacks of gold bars, waterfront property where sea air kissed your cheeks every morning and neither you nor hubby grew old. I think a decision based on love – and in this case a love of a dad for his children – well, that’s good stuff. From what I can tell, they seem to like you too!

    • elroyjones says:

      Another road would not have had the purpose this road has had. I am pleased that I was able to give my husband the life he needed to live without regret. My parents divorced whenI was 8 and my father got himself a new family. I did not want to be the catalyst for estrangement between my husband and his little boys. My mother used to say, “Bloom where you’re planted.”
      “Let’s NOT pretend…”, thank you for saying that.

      • maesprose says:

        I like that, “Bloom where you are planted.” Presently, I’m still in the air… can’t wait to land and get my feet back into the soil so I can get blooming again!

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