Time Share

You may recall that I’m always trying to escape from here to get Somewhere Else and not just Anywhere Else. The major compulsion in the strain to escape is that time is the only priceless commodity I have. It is not a commodity that can be replenished. It is a fact I am chronically aware of, and one that others must recognize as well because they are forever trying to steal mine to supplement their own, which is apparently too valuable for them to spend on the mundane.

You know that I love my husband more than air. Sadly, but predictably, he is the villain in this scenario. Oh yes, we have had more than one bout of marital disharmony due to the value of time and whose is worth more. That’s the way it is around here. I’m certain you understand whose moments are more precious. Worth is evidenced by productivity, precision, and proficiency with a minor amount of bitching thrown in. Remember that, no matter how much you might sympathize with my husband, you were my imaginary friends first.

I can’t tell you how many months have gone by since the original promise was made that we would go Somewhere Else together. It would enrage depress me to calculate the actual time that has elapsed. Last week, after the conclusion of an interminable tax season, a business merger, the creation of two new websites, countless loads of laundry and trips to the grocery store, I made reservations. I invited my husband. When I mentioned to him the fun we could have at the Art Walk- “An Evening of Art, Food and Debauchery” he rolled his eyes and said, “I’d rather be tortured.” He would too. I went further to describe the fun we could have taking the ferry to the island. He refuses to be trapped out there. I understand completely. I’d hate to be trapped anywhere for an entire hour just waiting to be rescued by the next ferry, HORRORS. Let us not revisit the fact that I have been here in the Hinterlands for fourteen loooooong years.

The day before yesterday, the subtle psychological manipulations began. “We could go fishing this weekend” he offered. “An Evening of Art, Food and Debauchery” cannot begin to compare to the total hedonism involved in fishing in a boat, that goes way too fast, on lakes that are still frigid, bundled up in gear made for an Arctic expedition, while being held hostage for hours on end, with only a coffee can to pee in. Be still my heart.

Yesterday, the temptation in his alternate plan was almost too much to resist. I could stay home and we could get some clams and invite the kids (descendants, niece, assorted dogs and hangers on) and have steamers outside, on paper plates (the hasty concession was made after The Look was given). The anticipation of having two dogs, one very excitable and prone to pee without notice, the other naughty and prone to pee on the couch while he looks at me defiantly, and who knows how many messy, unhelpful, younger people was nearly too much to forego. I don’t know that I could absorb the ecstatic joy of such a huge mess good time.

The decision has been a weighty one, a burden of intolerable proportion. I’ll be calling my husband frequently to deliver reports on “An Evening of Art, Food and Debauchery”. I won’t call from the ferry, no cell signal, but I will call from the island. In the meantime, I’ll work at a fiendish pace so everything is done and my absence has no negative impact.

About elroyjones

Married, no children, responsibly self-directed, living happily.
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21 Responses to Time Share

  1. maesprose says:

    Have a wonderful time, you deserve it!

    • elroyjones says:

      I am so excited Mae. I cannot wait to get away from work. I’ve made just one commitment for breakfast on Saturday and the rest of the time will be mine, all mine, to be just me, not an auxiliary parent, aunt, bookkeeper, office manager, housekeeper, or resource of any kind. There will be no hurrying and lots of conversation with strangers. Did I mention how excited I am?

  2. hanslr says:

    Loved it. Oh too true, too true!

  3. Man… it is hard to take sides on this one. But I do think you deserve time away. Just go without him?

    • elroyjones says:

      You don’t have to take sides. I’m going. My husband doesn’t like me to go without him but he refuses to go. It will be good for him to be here doing whatever it is he does when I am not here. It will be very good for me to be doing things I enjoy doing as an autonomous human being. I like my own company. I’m not at all mad. I hate to leave him and I worry that something will happen to one of us without the other there but this is a matter of good mental health. I will be a menace to society if I don’t get the helloutahere soon!

  4. benzeknees says:

    Oh this sounds like a Battle Royale! Luckily for me, hubby & I mostly agree on things we like to do including CFL football (if anything, I might be a slightly bigger fan than he is actually). Were we get into trouble with the importance of time issues is when hubby says he will do “X” & then spends 14 hours on the computer because something else has caught his attention. If I dare to mention his preoccupation & “X” not getting done – I immediately get the “but I was doing this for us!” It seems like whatever he is doing is always more important than what I am doing, but he is not sexist (just a bit of a narcisisst). I hope you enjoy your evening of debauchery!

    • elroyjones says:

      It isn’t a big battle or even a tiny skirmish. I wish he would go because I wish he would relax and I will miss him. I always participate, or at least show up, for the things he is interested in. I can’t tell you how many hours I have logged on the damn boat or sitting courtside at basketball games. It amazes me that he refuses to go and still wishes I would stay home with him. I cannot wait to get out of town. I will see one of my sisters during the evening of debauchery, where we will eat laugh, and make merry. I will miss my husband and we will exchange frequent phone calls. When I return we will be happy to see each other and I will be grateful for life in the Hinterland…until next time.

  5. John says:

    Just be sure to do something debauched! Ok, so you’re married… have a few debauched thoughts at least….

    • elroyjones says:

      I’ll look around to see if there is anything worthy of debauched thoughts and report back. Oh John, there is enormous potential for snarky thoughts I am sure. The wiseass editorial commentator, in my head, will be busy this weekend!

  6. Mick McCoy says:

    “… while being held hostage for hours on end, with only a coffee can to pee in. Be still my heart.” ROFL

  7. jatwood4 says:

    enjoy your debauchery!

  8. I’ll come…it sounds bloody idyllic!

  9. I guess it helps to stay sane. That’s what they say, anyway. 😉

  10. Let me get my head around this. Your choices were 1) fishing and peeing in a can or 2) children and dogs peeing on the furniture or 3) art, food and debauchery. And you chose art, food, and debauchery!?

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